


We’re not just friends

by callmearenegade



Series: Drabbles [2]
Category: TOLKIEN J. R. R. - Works & Related Fandoms, The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: F/M, Fluffy Ending, drabble challenge
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-27
Updated: 2016-07-27
Packaged: 2018-07-27 04:13:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7602949
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/callmearenegade/pseuds/callmearenegade
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>based on “It killed me to see you with him.” & “We’re not just friends and you fucking know it.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	We’re not just friends

The words swirled around her head in a dizzying spiral as she tried to focus on them. She did, honestly. Yet, the words had held no importance to her, as the speaker of them did not. She tried to hear the words and focus on them. She owed the dwarf that much respect, but her brain couldn’t help but fade away and think of other words she would rather hear. The chipper tale of ones day, or a long list of complaints. Perhaps a giggling story of a drunken stumble down the wrong corridor could pull her attention. Probably not,not from the mouth speaking. The one she wished to listen to had been absent all evening. It caused her to worry, pulling her brain away from the task even more. 

Why she felt listening to the one she was practically betrothed to was a task, she was not sure. She had tried to push past it, hoping that more time spent would lessen her feelings toward the dwarf. Maybe it was the problem that she had none toward him. None had grown toward him. He was decent enough, most ladies would be happy with him. He was well off, highly respected, decent looking enough - for those who felt it mattered. She couldn’t understand why she couldn’t just get over it and abide her mothers words. 

“ Will you dance with me?” She heard when a shoulder nudged hers.   
He had finally stopped his tangent about… well she wasn’t sure anymore what his tangent had been about. Part of her was relieved but the other part was mortified, now she had to dance. She wasn’t bad, nor did she not enjoy to dance, she just didn’t want to dance with the one offering.Her inability to get over herself after all this time with him almost caused her to sigh and curl up into a ball upon the floor. She looked around, eyes searching for a way out, but half way around, she sighed and closed her eyes for a long second. She pushed through the not wanting, and stood up anyway to dance. 

He swayed her- almost making her nauseous despite the smooth movements- for a couple of minutes before a voice pulled her away again.

“ May I barrow her for a moment? It is important?” Fili - bless his soul- spoke with a hand upon the slim shoulder of her ‘date’. 

She was already pulling away before he could begin to answer, perhaps feeling too grateful for the distraction. When he pulled her to the side of the dance floor she looked upon him like he was a god, eyes glowing happily. She had never been more grateful and happy to see her friend. Not even after Erebor had been reclaimed.

“ Have you seen Kili recently?” The words caused her chest to tighten in worry. Her eyes widened as she looked upon him.

“ I saw him when the celebration first started, right after you arrived. I have since lost sight of him.” The prince spoke, words holding slight worry. 

“ I am sure he ran off to his chamber with a lass.” She spoke, voice slightly mournful and Fili did not miss it.

“ I highly doubt that. I’m sure he is fine either way. If you see him, remind him we have the early shift tomorrow?” The prince asked lightly upon her. She shook her head softly.

The prince hoped she would stumble upon his brother. He hoped they would talk. For both of their sake’s, he hoped they could be brave. With the sadness in her eyes as she backed away, Fili hoped that this could be fixed.

She walked slowly back to her ‘date’, all the while feeling heavy and tired. He sat, surrounded by several of his mates, all cheering and drinking. Despite her bunch always being as rowdy, if not more, she found the noise annoying and almost headache inducing. With a grimace on her face, she braved the walk as she split the group to find her ‘date’. 

“ What happened?” the dwarf yelled when he noticed the look upon her face.

“ I’m going to bed.” She spoke, almost to harshly before turning and walking to her chamber. She couldn’t stomach him anymore. 

She could hear shoes follow behind her as she stomped down the hall to her room. She knew who they belonged too, they were much to loud to be the feet of any of the dwarven warriors she knew. She wanted to turn and punch him, more so now than ever before.

“ I thought I would walk you to your room, lass.” He smirked as he caught up with her before her door. “ I wanted to make sure you got back alright.” She almost pulled her knife from her boot, to show him how alright she would be, but was to shocked by the thought to actually do so. 

He looked around and acted as if he had only just noticed she had reached her door.

“ Well, I guess, Good night.” He whispered as he leaned forward, his lips making their target known. she could feel herself scowl as she pulled her head away for the millionth time since he had started trying. She slipped into her door and locked it behind her without even trying for a courteous goodbye.

With the comforting feeling of the locked door behind her, she rested her back against it, eyes closed with a heavy sigh. Her knees relaxed and her body softly slide down the door to rest upon the floor. 

“ That either means, you had a really good night, or a particularly horrible one.” A familiar deep voice spoke, breaking the silence and almost sending her flying off the floor.

“Kili!” she yelled when her eyes flew open and spotted the dark haired prince sitting in front of her fire place. The normally happy face was stern as he looked into it, eyes occasionally peering toward her. “ Your brother is looking for you! How long have you been here? “ She rushed as she stood up to walk toward him.

“ Couple hours.” He answered dully, bringing his beer to his lips and taking a big gulp.

She kicked the floor below her softly. She hated how things between them had gotten so tense and awkward since she had joined them in Erebor. Before he left with the company, she would have sat beside him, probably stolen his beer from his hand and chugged as much of it as she could in order to annoy him, but now, she felt like she was treading on eggshells around him.

“ How many of those have you had?” She said warmly. Walking closer to him.

“ Not as many as normal.” His simple response came.

She was taken aback with the words, but continued to walk toward him. She crouched next to him when she got close enough. Her eyes watched how the fires light danced upon his face, how his brow was too stern for his face - and resembled his uncle too much. She watched as the light did not dance upon the dark and too serious eyes. Her smile broke and her heart ached. What had happened?

“ Do you want me to make you some tea?” She asked, her voice trying to be kind but sounding too broken to Kili’s ears. He looked upon her fully. Her eyes looked tired and ready to spill with tears, her mouth look to stern to hold a smile, and her skin looked to pale and gray to glow with summer radiance, as it should.

“ I am not drunk.” She nodded in understanding before going to stand up. “ Which was it?” He threw on quickly before she could walk too far away, out of fear of the silence breeding only more silence between them.

Her eyebrows rose in question and her lips pursed. 

“ Was it a good night or a bad night?” He elaborated. She sighed heavily. 

“ It was a long night, Kili.” She turned her head away. He could hear the closing in her throat and could see the quivering of her lips in and attempt to keep the tears locked away. Her words were trying to send him away. They had worked too many times since his return to her presence. He could feel the separation growing, and he knew that if he let it grow anymore, without saying what he needed it, it would all be too late. 

“ It killed me seeing you with him.” His voice quaked. She turned upon him. 

“ Kili.” She whispered brokenly as one tear broke through her resolve. 

“ He is not right for you. You don’t love him!” His voice was going stronger. 

“ What other choice do I have, Kili!?” she yelled brokenly back at him. “ I have no other choice!”

“ You have me!” His voice cracked. “ You have me.” He whispered, despite the emotion, he couldn’t make the volume rise any higher. 

He heard her shaky breath and saw her supporting her body against the railing of the bed. her head hung between her arms, though her eyes still met his.

“ You’re my best friend,” She started weakly, out of breathe.

“ WE’RE NOT JUST FRIENDS AND YOU FUCKING KNOW IT!” He cut her off, his voice almost breaking. “ We never have been just ‘friends’ or ‘best friends’. You are my one, and I have to be yours.” He broke, tears fighting with him now as well,.

“ I can’t.” She cried. His heart nearly shattered as he watched her struggle.

She had felt it for as long as she had known him. It was always there. He was always more than her friend. more than Fili or any of her other friends. He still was but she couldn’t. Not anymore. 

“ I love you.” She breathed, her chest aching with every breath. Every word burned in her chest, ripping out of her chest and throat in order to be spoken.

“ Then why can’t you? What has changed since I left? You would have me then.” He pleaded for an answer, tears flowing.

“ I didn’t know if you would return , and if you did, whether or not you would have some princess on your arm when I saw you. I couldn’t live with it. I realized I couldn’t live if this didn’t work. I couldn’t live if you died or if we ended up like my parents. I can’t” As she continued, he walked to her, wrapping his strong arms around her torso. She let out one large breath before she collapsed into them, her body breaking.4

“ You would prefer to run off and marry someone you don’t love, instead of having your heart broken.” He held her tightly and spoke in her ear and he dropped carefully to the floor to sit and hold her in his lap. She looked at him, eyes teary and holding more pain than he would ever wish to see upon her. It hurt him, it hurt him more than every injury he had sustained- the arrow included twice.

“ Instead of having my heart broken by you, because then, there was not a craftsman in the world capable enough to mend it.” She whispered, head resting against his.

“ You fear me breaking your heart so much, that you would never let me hold it.” He looked upon her, holding her tightly. 

“ I have held it for so long, and not broken it yet. I plan not to. If you will allow me to continue to hold it.” He brought his hand to gentle rest upon her face, his thumb stroking the tears from it. His brown eyes plead with her. He pleaded with her not to give up on him. 

She nodded weakly, her voice not working as her throat closed. Kili smiled, and pressed a soft kiss to her lips. She held his shoulders in her shaking hands. Her eye, though still red and glistening with tears, held more happiness than he had seen in them sine he left her, almost two years ago.

“ If I shall break your heart, you will always have mine.” He whispered upon her lips before he kissed them once more. For the first time in a while, it all felt right and their collapsing chests felt full again, with the presence of hearts always destined to be there…


End file.
